My Husband and I Are in a Long-Distance Relationship And Its Actually Pretty Great

“It’s hard being apart, so you both have to be equally committed to the relationship and be on the same page about how long this situation will last, and what the plan is for eventually living in the same place,” says Gottlieb. You can become a homebody or both morph into having the same personality. Regardless of who you’re in a relationship with and if you can physically be together or not, find more on this theme at you should never stop living your own life. Another study generated a sample of 335 undergraduate students who were in LDRs and became geographically close. Of the reunited couples, 66 individuals terminated their relationships after moving to the same location, whereas 114 continued their relationship. It’s true you may not be able to overcome every obstacle, even with the most loving and determined partner, and some relationships just don’t work.

  • In fact, a couple cannot stay in a long-distance relationship forever.
  • So we asked experts what habits couples need to make a long-distance relationship work, no matter the miles.
  • There are many virtual ways to mimic the intimacy of physical touch and spice things up.

Couples compensate by spending more time talking on the phone or via the texts. This leads to excessive communication, which can be damaging to your personal lives. But no amount of phone conversations can fulfil the need for physical closeness.

And if your paid time-off policies are less than generous, finding the time to see each other while balancing out work demands can also be draining. Having special names for each other reserved only for one another are heart-warming. Hearing that one word with love lifts our spirits up, and we feel assured all over again. I find it highly effective because it has a huge reserve of playful and very funny “stickers” that are free for its users to use. You can also go to the app’s “Sticker Shop” to download (or gift!) extra stickers of different themes (e.g., Hello Kitty, Pokemon, Snoopy, MARVEL, etc.) at a low price. Occasionally, the app will give out free sticker sets for promotions. In fact, a couple cannot stay in a long-distance relationship forever.

Set An End Date

Trying to keep the relationship perfect and conflict-free can disguise incompatibilities or keep you from growing as partners. It’s impossible for one person to single-handedly maintain a relationship. Even if one of you has more going on, both parties should put effort into maintaining the relationship. But physical distance doesn’t mean you can’t do things together, especially with modern technology. Time, money, and work commitments can all make it difficult to visit your partner often as you’d like. Note that some people get overwhelmed when keeping track of multiple conversations, so this may not work for everyone. A partner who’s too far away to help out when things go wrong may worry more than a local partner when they don’t hear from you at an expected time.

Even if the two of you text frequently, you still want to schedule dedicated date nights to look forward to. How much contact do you want to have with your partner each day, and how much do they expect from you? Don’t assume you and your partner are on the same page about this!

Keeping things fun while long distance

Try sharing a letter journal or scrapbook full of notes, pictures, and mementos from your daily lives. You might both agree you want to talk frequently but disagree about what that actually means. If your ideal levels of communication differ, finding a compromise early on can help prevent frustration later.

When you know somebody’s in your corner and always rooting for you, there are very few things in life that can really bring you down. For example, when my husband is sailing, we face network issues very often that present themselves in the form of lags and reconnections. But after years of navigating through them, we’ve got to a point where we’re so in tune with one another that we can manage to have an entire conversation with the delayed responses no longer posing a problem. My husband and I met like most other couples, at a common friend’s party in 2017. He works in the merchant navy and is usually away at sea for six months at a time.

It was as if she were a prophet because, just a few weeks later, I met my fiancé. We met at an out of state wedding and, after beginning the process of getting to know each other through late night phone calls and letters, we faced the looming reality of a long-distance relationship while I finished grad school. I was treading into an unknown for which no article could prepare me and, I assume if you’re reading this, you might be too. Starting a long-distance relationship with someone you just met can be fun and exciting. It’s an opportunity to make a new friend or to build a long-term romantic relationship.

Because when you’re stuck in a long-distance relationship, you don’treally know what it’s like to date the other person—instead, you only have this halfway, vague idea. Sure, you know something of their personality and their attractive qualities, but you don’t know the full reality. All of these irrational fantasies are unhelpful.6 “Absence makes the heart grow fonder”—well, I’d edit that to say, “absence makes the heart fucking psychotic.” Be wary. When stuck in a long-distance scenario, it’s important to maintain some skepticism of your own feelings. Remind yourself that you really don’t know what’s going on and the best thing you can do at any moment is to simply talk to your partner about what they’re feeling and about what you’re feeling. According to Lasting’s therapists, long distance couples who have a secure attachment together are able to let each other grow and mature.

“Text is the worst for anything deep or important,” she says. “Phone is a step up. Ideally you want videos where you can get those social cues, the nuances of facial expressions. You can see each other so you get a better read and you’re less likely to go down a communication rabbit hole.” Fraser’s recommendation is to check in in the morning as well as the evening each day if possible — and ideally on video. If your partner isn’t communicating as much with you anymore, it could be a red flag that something is bothering them or simply that “they are not very invested in the relationship,” Hall says. “In order to make it succeed, any relationship requires communication,” says clinical psychologist and sex therapist, Cheryl Fraser, PhD.

Here’s a look at how to keep the love alive and tackle potential issues that might come up. Though it might seem scary or challenging, a long-distance relationship can succeed — and they do all the time. Gaslighting and a reluctance to discuss life outside the relationship can also signal trouble.

And if you don’t have the money or the time to travel as much as you’d like, it will be a problem. If you have certain values, beliefs, and interests, you can identify if your special someone shares them early on.

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